Naughty PlansWhat intimacy brings to a relationship
Intimacy is not only about bodies: it feeds the bond. Three studies shed light on what it really brings to couples.
Once a week, and quality first
Across more than 30,000 people, researchers observed that well-being rises with how often couples have sex… up to about once a week, then levels off. Beyond that it is not worse, but not better on average either. The message is reassuring: there is no race to run, only time to keep for each other.
Affection makes the difference
In four studies of couples in the United States and Switzerland, the positive emotions linked to intimacy came largely through affection: tender gestures, cuddles, closeness. The effects could still be felt the next day.
An effect that lasts 48 hours
Among newlyweds followed day by day, sexual satisfaction stayed higher for up to two days after a moment of intimacy. The couples with the strongest "afterglow" were also more satisfied with their relationship several months later.
In short
- Aim for a rhythm that suits you, often around once a week, without pressure.
- Affection before, during and after matters as much as the act itself.
- Keeping time for the two of you nurtures the bond over time.
Sources
- Muise A., Schimmack U., Impett E.A. (2016). Sexual frequency predicts greater well-being, but more is not always better. Social Psychological and Personality Science, 7, 295–302. worlddatabaseofhappiness.eur.nl
- Debrot A., Meuwly N., Muise A., Impett E.A., Schoebi D. (2017). More than just sex: affection mediates the association between sexual activity and well-being. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin. pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov
- Meltzer A.L. et al. (2017). Quantifying the sexual afterglow: the lingering benefits of sex and their implications for pair-bonded relationships. Psychological Science. www.psychologicalscience.org
These studies are observational: they describe average trends. Every couple has its own rhythm, and what matters is the one that suits you both.